Gone Fishin’

When my daughter started crawling, we did what all nervous first-time parents do and got toilet locks. They ended up being completely unnecessary, as my daughter didn’t ever attempt to play in the bathroom. Add that to the column of shit-we-bought-but-did-not-need (tally is currently at approximately $20K of worthless nonsense). The only purpose the toilet locks seemed to serve was annoying the heck out of every adult who ever tried to use our bathrooms. Twist left? Twist right? Both? Opposite directions? Push a button? What the what? So color me shocked (read: sarcasm) when someone managed to break the one in our upstairs bathroom. Instead of replacing it, we decided to put a lock on the door instead to keep the kids out of the bathroom. Except, sometimes the kids are┬áin the bathroom when they’re supposed to be, so what happens then? I’ll give you a quickly answer – they throw crap (punny joke!) into the toilet just to screw with me. Let me reenact what happened this morning (who doesn’t love a good reenactment?):

Mom: [sits down on toilet to pee]

Kid: Where is the purple boat?

Mom: Over there on the tub.

Kid: Thanks, mommy.

Mom: [Proceeds to pee] You’re welcome.

Kid: Purple boat! Purple boat!

Mom: [Gets up to wash hands. Proceeds to wash hands]

Kid: Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh.

Mom: What’s so funny?

Kid: Look at the purple boat!

Mom: [Turns around. Sees purple boat floating in pee toilet]

Kid: Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh.

Mom: $#^&!@*$%&#! [Reaches hand into pee toilet to retrieve purple boat]

Kid: Why aren’t you using a fishing pole?

Time for a new toilet lock.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *