New Year’s Resolutions: Rugrats Edition (If My Kids Made Resolutions)

I’m not one for making New Year’s Resolutions. I suck at keeping them. So why bother? And, let’s be honest, I’m close to perfect, so who needs resolutions?

You know who has room for improvement? My kids. Unlike their mama, they’re a few notches below perfection. So I sat them down with some No. 2 pencils and lined paper and had them draft New Year’s Resolutions. My 2.5-year-old has perfect penmanship already, and my 4.5-year-old corrected his (very minor) spelling mistakes.

In no particular order:

  1. We will eat the food placed in front of us at breakfast, lunch, and dinner without complaint.
  2. We will try new vegetables, no matter what color (the greener, the better).
  3. We will sleep until 7 a.m. every day and wait patiently in our rooms until Mommy or Daddy come to get us and will not wake up Mommy or Daddy unless there is a real emergency.
  4. We will put our clothes and shoes on when asked the first time and do so in an efficient manner.
  5. We will not remove our shoes and socks while in the car and toss them at Mommy while she is driving.
  6. We will sit forward and still in our car seats so that Mommy can safely buckle us in.
  7. We will ask questions just once, patiently await an answer, accept said answer, and then not repeat the question.
  8. We will not follow Mommy into the bathroom.
  9. We will not whine, scream, or cry when we do not get our way.
  10. We will not spill full cups of milk all over the floor right after the floor has been cleaned.
  11. We will not fight over just one of the ten million legos.
  12. We will get into bed at bedtime and stay put.
  13. We will clean up our messes without being asked, bribed, or forced.
  14. We will lower our voices and practice being quiet.
  15. We will use tissues to wipe our boogers instead of picking them and handing them to Mommy.
  16. We will not use Mommy’s clothes to clean our hands and will seek out the napkins.
  17. We will not throw and flush foreign objects down the toilet.
  18. We will admit when we are tired and voluntarily go to bed.
  19. We will say “yes” more than we say “no.”
  20. We will say the word “Mommy” only once per every 5 minutes of each day.

So there you have it. My kids have committed to cutting Mommy some slack in 2018, and I’m holding them to it. I expect nothing less.

Happy New Year!

Mama out.

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